


Newly Edgy Toons

by charcolor



Category: Animaniacs
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:13:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27947363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcolor/pseuds/charcolor
Summary: The youths today love angst, but Animaniacs doesn't really give them much to work with. To help make their reboot appeal to more kids, the Warners brainstorm edgy and tragic backstories.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 93





	Newly Edgy Toons

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of suicide (nothing super serious)

"You sure kids are still gonna like us?"

Dot kicked her feet back and forth as she sat at the edge of her bunk on the bed, a cell phone in hand as she looked through a list of popular 2018 cartoons. These cartoons had real heavy stuff. Lore and continuity and drama and heartbreak. They were so somber and serious, not at all like Animaniacs.

But Yakko, sitting at a desk with some contracts on it, didn't seem worried at all. He shrugged with a smirk. "They still like Looney Tunes, right?"

Dot glanced down at her phone screen. "Not as much as they like She-Ra and the Princesses of Power."

"She-Ra?" Wakko poked his head out from his bunk of the bed to look up at Dot. "What does she have that we don't?"

"Same as most of the others, probably." Dot tapped a finger to her chin. "Tragic backstory and a really emotionally charged romance."

Wakko rolled his eyes. "Romance, schomance! People wanna _laugh_ when they watch cartoons!"

"Wakko's right." Yakko stood up and grinned. "But, y'know, I guess it couldn't hurt to appeal to the teen angst audience."

Dot leaped down from her bed. "How're we gonna do that? We don't have a lot to work with."

"Well, you _did_ almost die in the movie. And Wakko went through a year of child labor separated from his family." Yakko scratched his neck. "I guess they can watch the movie once they see the new Animaniacs reboot and work with that. But maybe that's still not enough."

Wakko hung over the edge of his bed, with his tongue sticking out as usual. "Can't we just make stuff up?"

"That sounds fun!" Dot clapped her hands together. "Okay, so...how about this: we're orphans who were found by the studios but we weren't good enough for them..."

"Ah, orphans with an inferiority complex," Yakko commented quietly with a nod.

"...so they locked us in the tower. Like in real life. Except we never got out at all. They didn't let us do anything outside the water tower at all for sixty years."

"We almost starved to death!" Wakko added, bouncing to the floor. "No one wanted to get groceries for us, so we almost died of starvation!"

"That sounds good," Yakko replied, "but how would we explain how we survived for over sixty years?"

They pondered that for a second, then they all shouted the answer in unison.

"CANNIBALISM!"

Dot evilly tapped her fingers together. "We slowly went insane and started eating each other's limbs. Once we came to our senses, we were filled with regret and we tried to kill ourselves..."

"Okay, okay, okay, picture this." Yakko held up his hands. "I'm lactose intolerant. I realize what I've done and I try to kill myself by drinking milk. As I'm about to take a sip of the forbidden nectar, a vision appears, and someone stops me. I look up at them and I see..."

Dot and Wakko nodded and quietly answered in unison. "Sans Undertale..."

"Good guess, but no. It's our parents."

"Our fake dead parents?" Wakko asked.

"Exactly. They say, 'We forgive you, and you are beloved. You deserve life and happiness.' Then a huge supply of food magically appears. We use that to survive for the next several decades."

Dot hummed thoughtfully. "That seems pretty convoluted." She grinned. "It's perfect! People are gonna be too busy crying to notice how wacky things really are!"

"Oh, oh oh oh!" Wakko waved his arms around. "My turn, my turn!"

Dot rested her chin in her hands. "Whatcha got, Wakko?"

"Alright!" Wakko leaned forward with a pleased smile. "I'm hypoglycemic, so when we ran out of food I almost died first! It was a whole soap opera! I stopped breathing, you both cried and panicked, but then, as I was dying, I said...no. It's not time for me to go yet. And I came back and it was a miracle!"

"Wait, wait, wait, Wakko!" Dot bounced excitedly. "What about your fear of clowns? Make up something really edgy to explain that!"

"Oh, well, that's _easy."_ Wakko waved a hand. "A clown broke into a water tower and tried to kill us."

"Ah, trauma!" Yakko nodded in approval. "And I bet secretly you have nightmares all the time about it, right?"

"You bet!"

Dot clasped her hands together. "And _I_ get nightmares about the thing that almost killed _me_ while we were suffering in the water tower...the _plague!"_

Yakko tapped his chin. "Like in our favorite movie, Wakko's Wish (1999)?"

"Yeah, why not? We'll use our funny little drama as exposition!"

"Alright, so we all got PTSD. Neat!" Yakko nodded. "What other mental illnesses with lots of hurt/comfort potential can we give ourselves?"

Wakko pointed at him. _"You're_ depressed!"

Yakko shrugged. "Hey, it's hard not to be in _this_ political climate."

Dot crossed her arms thoughtfully. "I'm not sure making a list of mental illnesses is a good idea, Yakko. It might be insensitive to people who actually have them if we just use 'em as angst fodder."

"Hm, good point. We don't wanna be _too_ heavy on that stuff." Yakko snapped his fingers. "I know! We'll make up mental illnesses, too!"

Dot clapped her hands, then cleared her throat. "I am a sufferer of...Cute Disease. I have to be cute all the time, or else I cry and have a mental breakdown so bad I _die."_

Wakko grinned. "Alright! I have a disorder that makes me not hear anything from two to four in the afternoon. Which means no one can make me do anything during that time and they have to be nice to me. Also I have panic attacks about it, probably." He hung his tongue out and leaned forward. "How 'bout you, Yakko?"

Yakko scratched one of his ears. "Well, uh, here's what I'm thinkin': everyone really likes it when I'm protective of you guys and take care of ya. They loved it in Wakko's Wish (1999). So now _I_ have a disease where if literally anything bad happens to either of you, I experience every negative symptom of every mental illness at once."

Dot gasped. "Including death?"

"Nah, death's not a symptom. It's just a possible effect." Yakko smiled and put his hands on his hips. "Anyway, I say that's enough angst-storming for today. You guys wanna play Mouse Trap?"

Wakko bounced on his feet in excitement. "Oh, my _favorite_ board game, Mouse Trap! Let's do it!"

Dot quickly did an online search on her phone to make sure Mouse Trap was the actual name of the game, because no one ever talked about it enough for her to remember it, then gleefully followed her brothers to help set up the game.

**Author's Note:**

> to be clear i DON'T mean any disrespect to people who write angst of animaniacs!! i read and write a lot of hurt/comfort myself. i just thought this would be a funny little story idea.


End file.
